As a carer for someone with SEED – Severe and Enduring Eating Disorder – I have somehow managed to hang on to HOPE.  Hope that tomorrow, or even later today, something or someone will manage to break into her thinking.  Am I as crazy as the ED is?  Close on 20 years of this, but then not every day is identical, some I give up on trying to make a difference, others are perhaps worse because you can see the tiny flame ignite but not last and your own helplessness barrels in along with the effort of having to come to your own acceptance… for now.

The beginning was much harder. The slow dawning that the services that were there were very inadequate or non-existent.  The helplines that were never available when you had time.  The realisation that this illness required a massive amount of one to one interaction.  The impact on family relationships.  The cost factor.  An urgency in you seeing the amount of money being paid out but little or no improvement taking place.  Dealing with the resentment factor within yourself, but knowing deep down that this would create a barrier to the person’s recovery.

A greater understanding of the illness has helped me immensely.  Online recovery coaches have played a most helpful role in this. The positive effect of Covid bringing Bodywhys Support Group online and into my life, and introducing me to the Maudsley Carers Course. This fuels my hope and soothes my thoughts in its basic message ‘you can’t change someone else’ – but your influence can make a difference.