I never believed that I could get to where I am right now and that I could get rid of the self-critic that has been with me my entire life.

It’s that self-critic among other things that drives the ED but we can find the real us and begin to have compassion and love for ourselves.

All 365 days/minutes/seconds with an Eating Disorder is misery but we can find ways to make times easier and less anxious for us.

For many years all holidays weather it be summer, Easter or Christmas were always extra hard.

Trying to navigate the usual moments that come with the days and trying to come up with excuses for not taking part in the same activities as everyone else.

I eventually started to talk to my wife after I had finally admitted I had a problem.

She had done some research and done the Bodywhys Pilar programme so it helped her understand the mind of someone suffering with an Eating Disorder.

I was able to be open and tell her why I can’t have or do what everyone else was and when I felt overwhelmed.

This helped us both because we understood what to expect and my wife was able to set her expectations.

By doing this it can get rid of stress and anxiety and bad feeling that can ignite, its only now I can see that for a carer of someone with an Eating Disorder it’s a different kind of trauma they experience, seeing a loved one go through ED must be so hard.

Only someone who has experienced an Eating Disorder can truly understand what it’s like and the suffering we experience.

The thoughts, rules, demands that the voice has for us are so hard for anyone other than us to understand.

Equally our carers experience is unique to only them so I started to keep this in mind during hard times.

It’s not easy in recovery and it takes hard work and yes there are great days and not so great days.

I have learned the tools to manage all these emotions (it feels great to be able to feel my emotions) I always look at the positives because there are so many, I have now experienced what life should be like without ED and the self-critic 24/7, I honestly thought the best it could ever get would be just managing day by day and struggling.

This is so far from what can be achieved, if fact it drives me more when I get through the hard days because it shows I have control.

Don’t get me wrong I would consider myself in recovery and not fully recovered but it’s that recovery process that is making me stronger and lets me explore and learn more about me.

I use compassionate exercises to help me at times, compassionate friend or Soothing Rhythm Breathing.

An just remember feel your emotions cry, laugh be sad when you need to be and only do what is comfortable for you.

We deserve to feel good and to like ourselves and to be the person we should be and to find the real you that’s been hiding.