My daughter’s  diagnosis of anorexia caused mixed emotions. There was relief in having the distress named followed by fear for her future and what lay ahead. Since then there have been conflicts, contradictions and a steep learning curve. On an emotional level, shock and guilt make you rake over the past looking for missed cues while your problem-solving response is focused forward, seeking solutions.

The complexity of the illness starts to sink in. The visible, physical repercussions have a logical solution, but the thinking driving the behaviour resides silently in the mind and is therefore much harder to address. Your reaction as a parent, to want to jump in and fix the problem, has to recalibrate to accompanying your child towards recovery and urgency has to be replaced by persistence and patience. There are the obvious conflicts at mealtimes, tension within the family, complications at school, around social occasions, at events in the community. And there are more complex conflicts, to disclose the diagnosis or not, seeing your child wanting to participate, move forward but being held back by the isolation of the illness.

Finding Bodywhys and the community of fellow carers and wonderful professionals providing support and information have got me through this year. They have helped me see the illness from my daughter’s perspective, reframe my reactions to be more constructive and given me confidence with a framework to communicate care effectively. Recovery does not follow a straight line. There are ups and downs and breakthroughs and hope.