On our support services, we hear that the eating disorder thoughts can become quite loud at this time of year, with a lot of distortions and expectations on what the holidays ‘should’ be like. We hear from carers that it can be challenging to try not let the eating disorder consume their person. As well as difficulties planning the day itself, communicating with family members, and trying to keep to their persons typical routine. There can also be a lot of pressure on carers for the holidays to go well.
What are the Challenges?
Carers shared about their experience supporting a loved one with an eating disorder during the holiday season in this session of Conversations with Carers, and the main challenges included:
- Supporting someone in hospital
- The unpredictability of the holidays
- Navigating the major attention on food
- Feeling different from society’s view of holidays
- Sitting exams in the lead up to the holidays
- Trying to plan where to go on Christmas day
- Ensuring siblings aren’t disrupted too much
- Trying to keep the peace
- Increase of guilt, shame and ED rules
What’s Helpful?
A resounding message from carers is to take things day-by-day, and not fall into the trap of over anticipating the holidays. Even though there can be such a large focus on Christmas throughout December, it is only one day. Christmas will come and go. If the holidays are not what you expected, they will come again.
If you are feeling overwhelmed with planning Christmas day, carers recommend thinking through what you are agreeing to. Where possible, try to minimise stress, and relieve the pressure for things to be perfect off your person and yourself. For instance, if you are struggling to decide whether to spend the day with extended family, it is an option to spend the day at home, and meet up with family on another day, without expectations.
Key to planning the holidays is including your person, and having a fallback option if things don’t go to plan. If there are events or activities that your person is anxious about, carers highlight the benefit of preparing for them. For instance, thinking about what your person will eat, or how they will respond if confronted to a triggering situation, can help reduce feelings of dread and apprehension.
There can also be a lot of social pressure during the holidays. If your person is worried about spending time with friends, carers advise to think through whether socialising will bring your person joy and blow up their blue balloon, or be too overwhelming for them. Try to help your person not be too ‘all or nothing’ with this – they can decide which events they would like to attend, as agreeing to one doesn’t mean agreeing to all.
If your person does face an obstacle, try to reframe negative situations. For example, it can be valuable to ask your person “what are the learning points from this?” This can help you both to better navigate a future situation.
FAQ
- I’m feeling overwhelmed with Christmas, what can I do?
- Try to take time for yourself, as it can be very difficult supporting someone with an eating disorder. There can be a lot of stress trying to plan ahead for every possibility, so make things simpler when possible. There is no ‘right’ way to spend Christmas. Think about what would be less stressful for you and your person.
- My person is struggling with their confidence, what can I do?
- As the eating disorder voice can become very loud during the holidays, try to focus on blowing up their Blue Balloon. This means, focusing on their strengths, encouraging them to do things that brings them joy, and using affirmations. You can affirm how hard they are trying, and empathise with how difficult the holiday season can be.
Carer’s Quotes
The key to minimising stress around Christmas is planning, including plan Bs, and no surprises. This can be done with as much consultation with your person as appropriate.
