Supporting someone with an eating disorder during school and college can bring about a range of unique challenges. We hear this from many carers on our support services, especially in September, at the beginning of the academic year.
Oftentimes, the return to school or college can create additional stress and anxiety, due to a change in routine, increased workload, pressure, and new social interactions. Transitions can be particularly fragile moments during school and college where an eating disorder may be triggered or exacerbated. Such periods include the transition from primary to secondary school, the transition from secondary school to college, the transition back to school/college after receiving in-patient treatment or homeschooling, as well as Transition Year (TY) in general, and the transition from TY to fifth year.
What are the Challenges?
In our first session of Conversations with Carers, carer’s shared lived experience about supporting someone with an eating disorder during school and college. Some of the main challenges that carer’s spoke about include:
- Struggling to prepare meals at college
- Returning to school after a period of treatment
- Managing the pressure of sixth year in secondary school
- Navigating school with Autism
- Collaborating with the school for support
- School as a trigger for the eating disorder
- Finding the balance when encouraging studying
What’s Helpful?
Carer’s recommend keeping the lines of communication open, and trying not to overly focus on the eating disorder. For instance, if you are supporting someone living away from home, have a conversation with your person about whether you can have one phone call dedicated to enquiring about their wellbeing, and how they are managing the eating disorder. This allows other phone calls to focus on other aspects of the person’s life. A useful phrase to keep in mind when communicating with your person is ‘strike when the iron is cold.’ This means, not having important conversations when distress or anxiety may be high.
When thinking about your person’s engagement in school, carer’s suggest trying not to be all or nothing. If your person is struggling to go to school on a daily basis, perhaps there is a way for them to find some middle ground between both going to school and also staying at home to keep up with schoolwork. The key message for parents was to not fall into the trap of being ‘all or nothing’ about going or not going to school. Keeping the ‘experimentation’ idea to the forefront and being flexible enough to see what works can be more helpful. And not to forget that this is role-modelling flexible thinking for your person too. Carers told each other not to lose hope, and emphasised the importance of taking care of yourself at the same time!
Being prepared and helping your person to reduce anxiety or fear of the future by being prepared was a strong message coming from the group. Starting a conversation with your person to understand the obstacles they are facing can be instrumental when thinking through a path forward. This could include preparing breakfast and lunch the night before, and going shopping together before the start of the week. Oftentimes carer’s are surprised by their person’s initiative and ideas, so asking for their input can be very valuable. Another practical example might be to help your person think about what they might be able to eat in school or college and in the run up, to start practicing eating those foods so that they are not doing it for the first time on the first day of school/college.
It may also be helpful to consult the school guidance counsellor or college wellbeing services, to enquire about any supports available to your person. For instance, this could be arranging a quiet space for your person when/if needed, receiving supervised lunch breaks, or mitigating some of the academic workload. Again, central to this is keeping lines of communication open with the school/college. Something to keep in mind here would be to try not feel frozen in fear – it is okay to experiment and try new things!
FAQ
‘Stay in touch. Keep ringing (or zooming!). To reduce any stress/anxiety, assign a specific call (or part of a call) to talk about health matters etc. leaving all other calls free for just chit chat!’
‘One of insights that struck me most was when speaking with your child while they are away in college (or inpatient) is to use one call a day to discuss the eating disorder and a separate calls (or separate part of the call) to discuss everyday life events. My favourite quote that I heard in our conversation with carers “ Strike when the iron is cold” It’s a perfect way to describe how to best support my own person.’
