Despite this, many of the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals who have an eating disorder are under-researched and under-represented. On our support services, we often hear from carer’s that they struggle to find resources on how best to support their loved one who is LGBTQ+.
What are the Challenges?
In this session of Conversations with Carers, carer’s spoke about their experience supporting someone LGBTQ+ with an eating disorder. Some of the main challenges include:
- Navigating conversations, using inclusive language and creating a safe environment
- Managing feelings of guilt or shame about taking time to process their identity and/or eating disorder diagnosis
- Understanding whether an eating disorder can be caused by difficulties coming to terms with one’s sexuality or gender identity
- Bullying and homophobia as a trigger for an eating disorder
- Managing micro-aggressions
- Facing discrimination in healthcare settings
- The interplay between an eating disorder, Autism and being LGBTQ+
- Managing body image concerns – for transgender/gender non-conforming individuals in particular who may experience gender dysphoria
What’s Helpful?
Carers recommend to not be ‘frozen in fear’ and afraid of making things worse! Although you may not be entirely sure what to say, what language to use, or how to navigate a conversation, if your intention is coming from a place of compassion and wanting to understand, your person will usually see that. It can be helpful to ask your person about what it is like for them, and what language and pronouns they feel comfortable with. Remember, they are the expert in their own life! Mistakes can happen – what’s important is to try not to catastrophise, acknowledge your mistake, and role model coping with it and still moving forward.
When supporting someone who is part of the LGBTQ+ community, acceptance is key. It can be very powerful to verbalise that you accept them, and that you are there for them. If your person is not ready to speak, do not rush them. Let your person lead! Although this may be frustrating, especially when you may be coming from a place of love and support, it is important to respect this. What’s important to remember is that just because your person is not ready to talk about it, doesn’t mean you cannot express to them that you are available for them whenever they are ready.
Many carers emphasise the value of creating a safe environment. For instance, encouraging immediate family members to be supportive, educating yourself on the LGBTQ+ community, and having a conversation with school staff to ensure they will not allow any bullying to occur.
Another helpful tip is to seek out positive representations of LGBTQ+ people – whether it’s in music, films, your local community or on social media. This can be helpful if your person is coming to terms with their own sexuality or gender identity.
If your person is struggling with their body image, it can be helpful to explore whether there might be a connection between their LGBTQ+ identity and how they feel about their own body. What’s key here is to support your person’s voice, and to try to understand their perspective. Do not view their sexuality or gender identity as a ‘passing phase.’ Rather, by acknowledging and affirming their experience, you can help contribute to your person’s acceptance and self-compassion. Focus on their strengths – this can have a positive impact on your person’s self-esteem!
For more information, please see our Body Image website, and LGBTQ+ organisations in Ireland – BeLong To, LGBT Ireland, TENI, and ShoutOut.
FAQ
- ‘Meet your person where they are at. Accept them as they are and take your time to educate yourself on what it means to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community.’
- ‘Be interested in their lives and friends and to make a conscious decision to engage your brain before you speak.’
- ‘Take your lead from your young person and to respect them as individuals and have zero tolerance for prejudice, intolerance or hatred in your community and tackle it in a clear and direct manner. The colours of the rainbow promise us hope in a black and white world.’
- ‘When you log onto support programmes looking for answers to help support a relative who is LGBTQ+ and with an ED, you realise everyone’s journey is similar. Caring and communication are what’s important. We are all doing our best to help them accept themselves the way they are.’
