By Audrey

Do you think it’s easy to carry this weight upon my head?

Do you think it’s easy to see the things I have to see?
How long do you think I can carry on being this way?

Do you really think it’s easy to be me?

When my weary body falls apart
And struggles through another sleepless night

It disintegrates and drowns In a sea of shadows with no light,
And still you expect me to fight and smile through it all
Though it seems that I’m just falling further every day

What make you think that I’m strong and fearless and free?
When really I can’t bear to be the one you think you see
What makes you think I wouldn’t throw it all away?
Only for thoughts of those I would hurt along the way

Suffocating under layers of grief and anguish smouldering deep inside
So many desperate words to tell you, so many secrets to confide
But I can’t say those words out loud, see the look of pity in your eyes
I can’t do that to you because then you’ll realise

That I’m not the courageous one you seem to think I am
That I am weak and numb within
That you don’t know what or who you’re dealing with
That you don’t know everything That the kinder you are to me
the more you’ll push me away
And the guiltier I will feel for being this way

That I’m tired and angry and exhausted
pretending to be someone that I’m not
I don’t wanna get up in the morning as tired as when I went to bed
And I’m tired of living with that ache inside my head

To close my eyes, to shut down my mind
To sleep, to forget
To melt, to evaporate
To wish it all away.